Yesterday was my birthday. I know many folks use the actual New Year to set intentions and resolve to be better or do better, but I don’t do so well with that deadline for myself, especially this year. Lucky for me my birthday falls just a week after the new year, so I have the opportunity to set those intentions based on my year. So, in observance of my year I spent the day reflecting on the year past and thinking about the year ahead.
WIthout doubt, I’ve had many blessings this past year. Thad has turned into an amazing little toddler, soon to be little boy. I was miraculously pregnant with twins, carried them to term and delivered two healthy, large for twins baby boys. I’ve had support from what often felt like all the ends of the Earth at the end of the pregnancy and these past three months with the twins.
However, I would be lying if I didn’t say it was by far my most challenging year yet. The pregnancy made us immobile for many a weekend and once the twins arrived, we hunkered down yet again to make it through the first three months of adjustment — establishing my milk, making sure they packed on the pounds and getting what sleep we could. Even though we had extensive help from my parents (especially my mom), countless friends who brought us meals and came to play with Thad, and were fortunate enough to have a night nurse help us with the babies for much of those three months, it was still by far the most exhausting and challenging time of my life. I succumbed myself to physical stagnation and hormones, which when coupled together, made me really fun to be around. I essentially saved the best for Thad and my work. M and everyone else weren’t as lucky.
But now? Well, it’s a new year! I’m a whole year older and we are out of the dark zone — literally. The eve of my birthday the twins slept all the way through the night, only waking for a quick early morning feed just before six. It was glorious! If only my breasts got the memo, as they woke me up around two in the morning waiting to go to work.
Since I finally have some control back, I’m being very deliberate about setting my intentions for the year. I’ve made plans that include a whole lot of writing. The writing project I tabled last year is back on and I’ve already worked out the rough blueprint for…. a novel (there, I put it out there, universe!). For starters, I’m taking a course at Stanford to help me get started on the novel this quarter, and I’ve signed up for a writing workshop in Washington this Spring.
The rest of my plans include taking the bull by the horns in every way I can. Every workout will be focused and determined. If I don’t give it my all, then it’s simply not good enough. I spent too much of last year not being able to work out. I missed sweating. I (still) miss running. I missed the high of post-workout endorphins. I miss having my body to myself. While I still have to give part of it to the twins, what I do have back is plenty.
I really don’t think I’ve ever been more excited for a new “me” year. While the actual age is somewhat ho-hum and nothing to be excited about — anything over thirty feels that way to me — I feel refreshed. I feel energized. I feel like what all the birthday cards and text messages I received yesterday will really be true — that this year may just be my best year yet.